Letting Go

July 9-July 13, 2010

I held Brittany in my arms for 4 days, rarely leaving her side. The doctor's kept telling me there was no hope, but I hoped for a miracle anyway. Looking at her, it was hard to believe that she was injured as critically as she was. Despite the magnitude of the accident, Brittany was still Brittany...beautiful and perfect. Aside from all of the tubes and machines connected to her, you couldn't even tell she had been in a devastating wreck. In fact, all of her injuries were survivable...except for her head. She suffered a broken ankle, fractured hip and bruised lung. Pretty miraculous. What's even more miraculous, though is how she stayed so perfect. Somehow, when the semi and car collided, the car wrapped around the semi in a way that protected Brittany in a little cocoon in the back seat. Another gift I believe God gave me. He kept my little girl beautiful and perfect...the way she always was...and still is in heaven, I'm sure.

Twice each day the doctors performed apnea tests on Brittany to see if she would breathe on her own. Sometimes it would take her a few minutes, but she did. The doctors told me it was the only part of her brain left functioning. They said everything else that made Brittany who she was had been damaged beyond repair. They urged me to disconnect her, telling me over and over again there was no hope. A few of them were even callous and heartless. It made me sick. But I held firm. As long as Brittany took even a single breath, I would not give up. I couldn't live with myself wondering if she thought I had given up on her. So, I ordered the doctors to keep doing everything medically possible to keep her alive. Until she was ready...or until God decided it was time...I would not end her life. It was not my decision to make.

I layed with Brittany each of those four days. We watched television (mainly Hannah Montana. We always watched it together. We were dorks like that). I read to her and played her favorite music. I reminisced about all of the silly things she did as a child and reminded her of the many "Brittany-isms" she had made famous. For example..."What month is the "MAY" fest?" The night before she died, I asked the nurse if he could position Brittany in her bed so I could lay directly next to her and hold her in my arms. Looking back, I think I already knew what was coming. For hours, I laid my head on her chest and listened to her heartbeat...the heartbeat of my beautiful, perfect little girl. I kissed her face and told her how much I love her. I told her I didn't want to let her go, that I couldn't imagine my life without her. But as I held her, and as much as it broke my heart to say the words, I told Brittany that if she was ready to be with Jesus, I would try and let her go. And as I said those words, one single tear fell from her right eye. Another gift from God. 

At 5:10pm on Tuesday, July 13, 2010, Brittany Erin Pritts passed away. She was and always will be my little girl...my best friend...my soul mate. Two halves of a whole...two hearts made from one...

My Race to Brittany

July 8-9, 2010

Brett drove...and drove...and drove while I sat helplessly in the passenger seat. I couldn't wrap my head around what was happening. To be honest, I still can't. I felt like I had been thrown into someone else's life and I wanted out! This kind of thing happens to "other" people, not me...not my family...not my little girl. 

I don't remember a lot about the drive back up to Illinois. I know I spent a lot of time crying, praying, pleading with God, yelling at God, questioning God, and then pleading some more. Why? Why her? Why Chason and his dad? None of it made any sense to me. Why???? My phone was ringing constantly with people trying to update me, encourage me or pray with me. But it wasn't until I received a call from one of Brittany's nurses that I realized how immediate my daughter's need for me was. "She's holding on for her mom," the nurse said. "We told her you're on the way and she's fighting...but hurry." Brittany knew I was coming! She knew I would be there soon to hold her. She needed me as much as I needed her. Yet we were still 10 hours away! I begged Brett to drive faster, but got scared when he did. The poor guy couldn't win. He never complained, though. 

While we were driving, I asked my dear friend Amy if she and her husband, Perry, would create a prayer page on Facebook for Brittany. I needed to get the word out about her accident and I needed people to start praying...and praying hard. My baby needed a miracle and I wasn't giving up. Within an hour of the "Prayers For Brittany Pritts" group page going up, there were already over 200 people who had joined. Within a day that number was over 2,000. And after only two days...over 5,000 people! That number would soon jump to almost 6,000! I was speechless...and humbled beyond words. People from all across the country were praying for my little girl. People who didn't even know her. It was amazing. Surely God wouldn't ignore that many prayers going up for one person! Brittany would be my miracle...because I refused to be in the "other people" category to whom bad things happen.

We drove throughout the night of July 8. Then...14 hours later...we pulled into Carle Foundation Hospital in Champaign shortly before 7:00am on Friday, July 9, 2010...19 hours had passed since the accident. We sprinted through halls and cursed slow elevators until we finally reached the ICU. I started pounding on the buzzer and yelling my daughters name until a nurse opened the door for me. Didn't they know the lengths I had gone to...had driven...to get there? I ran to Brittany's side and collapsed, holding her, kissing her, telling her how much I love her. I told her how proud I am of her for being so brave and strong ("Am" in the present tense because I still am very proud of her!). My little girl was wrapped in my arms where she belonged and I refused to let go. I was still begging God for a miracle...but thanking Him for giving my daughter the strength to hold on for me...however long that might be...

Guardian Angel

July 8, 2010 Continued…

His name is Cory, an extraordinary young man who happened upon the accident just moments after impact. Let me retract that. Cory didn’t just “happen” upon the accident. I believe with all of my heart…and no one will ever convince me otherwise…that God placed Cory at that exact location, at that exact time, for one reason and one reason only…to save my little girl. He was her Guardian Angel.

Cory pulled off the interstate and ran to their car. The driver of the semi that smashed into them just stood there and watched, not even attempting to help. I’ll never understand that. Cory reached the car and saw the devastation. At first, he didn’t see a passenger in the back seat until he noticed a head of hair (Brittany has LOTS of hair like her mother). Because of the magnitude of the crash, he was unable to access Brittany through the back doors. Instead, without a second thought about his own safety, Cory kicked off his flip flops and crawled through the mangled glass of the back windshield, slicing his foot open in the process. He called out to her and she moved…just a slight wiggle of her left pinkie...but she heard him. She wasn't alone. He reached over and detected a faint pulse. My baby was still alive...but bleeding badly from the right side of her head. Cory crawled back through the wreckage…ran to his car…and grabbed a towel. He then climbed back to Brittany and applied pressure to her head until paramedics arrived. I later learned that if it hadn’t been for Cory’s brave and selfless actions, my daughter would have died in that car, on that day, and I never would have been able to say goodbye. Yes, Cory was Brittany’s Guardian Angel. Period. Shortly thereafter, Brittany was airlifted to Carle Foundation Hospital in Champaign where she continued to fight for her life…or at least fight long enough for her momma to reach her…to hold her.

You see, I was still 14 hours away in Florida trying frantically to find the quickest way back to Illinois and I had already missed the last flight out of Panama City Beach. My only other airport alternative was Atlanta, and there was no way I’d make it there in time to catch their last flight out. That left just one other option…driving. We packed nothing and left. It was 5:00pm on Thursday, July 8, 2010...5 hours since her accident. My need to reach her was more than emotional...it was physical. I ached deeper than I ever have. I couldn't breathe...

All I could do was drive...and wait...and pray...

The Accident

July 8, 2010 Continued...

I had an overwhelming need to hear Brittany's voice, even though I had just spoken to her a few hours earlier. Looking back, I understand that need now. Something didn't feel right.

I was hoping to catch her before their flight took off from Indianapolis, bound for Panama City Beach. I was fully expecting the call to go straight to voicemail...after all, cell phones are supposed to be turned off. To my surprise however, it rang...and rang...and rang...and rang...then went to voicemail. Leave it to my daughter not to follow airline protocol! Regardless, I was so happy her phone was still on, anxious to hear "Hey momma!" I was strangely unsettled, though because she didn't answer.

"Hey, it's Brittany. Leave me a message and I'll call you back!" she said in her energetic, carefree voice. I left a message.
"Hey sweetie! I can't wait to see you in a few hours. Have a safe flight. I love you!" She never got the message.

I made that call shortly after 3:00pm. Just minutes later, my phone rang. The caller ID showed it was from the Vermilion County Police Department (VCPD). My heart stopped. I answered.

VCPD: "We're trying to reach April Schuette."
Me: "This is she" I replied.
VCPD: "Mrs. Schuette, do you have a daughter?" I wanted to vomit. I knew something was wrong. "Yes, her name is Brittany Pritts. What's happened?"
VCPD: "Please hang on. I need to get my supervisor." (Right! Like hell I'd wait!)
Me: "NO! You need to tell me what's wrong! Is she OK?"
VCPD: "Mrs. Schuette, there's been an accident."
Me: "IS SHE OK?!"
VCPD: "No, Ma'am. She's been badly injured."

The moments following that are a blur. I remember collapsing on my living room floor screaming. My husband, Brett, ran to my side, knowing something was terribly wrong, but I was screaming and crying too hysterically to speak. He took the phone and calmly listened to the details the police department provided him. To this day, I have no idea how he kept his composure. He was amazing.

According to the police report, it had been raining when the accident occurred shortly after 12:00pm. The car Brittany was riding in crossed over the East bound lanes of I-74 near Danville, IL and collided head on with a semi traveling West bound. Brittany was in the back passenger seat while her boyfriend, Chason, sat up front with his father, Mark, who was driving. Heartbreakingly, Mark and Chason were killed instantly. My little girl clung to life in the back seat. 

Her Guardian Angel was just steps away...

Preface...

It's a milestone that, unquestionably, almost every child looks forward to: turning 21. And for my daughter that day was July 8, 2010. Brittany called me at my home in Florida that morning. "Momma! I got my new drivers license! I'm legal!" The smile I heard in her voice was priceless. "I'll see you in a few hours! I love you, Momma!" Those were the last words my little girl ever spoke to me.

We had been counting down the days for over a month, both impatiently waiting for "the day" to finally arrive...and arrive it did...even though now I wish it hadn't, because the memories we were planning to make have turned into a hopeless, haunting nightmare.

Yes, the day we had circled on the calendar for weeks was finally here. Brittany and her boyfriend, Chason were heading to the Indianapolis Airport. Destination: Panama City Beach! I, in addition to my husband Brett and our son Bryson were living there at the time. The arrival details were set: bright pink poster board with "Happy 21st Birthday Brittany" written in glitter (check), fresh flowers (check), an embarrassingly huge bouquet of balloons (check). The only thing left was waiting for the 8:30pm flight to arrive...a flight that ultimately did arrive on time...minus two passengers: Brittany and Chason.

The accident that changed all our lives forever had already happened. I just didn't know it yet...