"...With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day." 2 Peter 3:8
I can't fully comprehend what it will be like to live in a place where time has no meaning...where time, as we perceive it to be now, will no longer exist. I would imagine, however, that it will be wonderful to live like that...timelessly. No days being checked off of calendars, no weeks flying by only to realize I've reached the end of one month and the beginning of yet another, no "reminder" dates of the devastating tragedy that altered the course of my life forever. Time. A very subjective concept. At least in the context of my own life, anyway.
As I look back over the past 10 1/2 months of my heartbreaking"Quest For a New Normal," I'm incredulous at just how far I've come. I'm also incredulous at just how little progress I've made, too. Has time marched forward, cruelly leaving me behind in its wake? Or has time stopped, patiently waiting for me to catch up and move forward? I would be a contradictory reflection of myself if I answered 'yes' to both...therefore, I guess that's just what I am...a contradiction. I never know who I'm going to see staring back at me in the mirror each morning: the clueless mother who is struggling to navigate herself on this journey into the unknown, or the brokenhearted mother who refuses to move forward...either out of cowardice or just plain denial. Neither reflection is desirable and both are complete strangers to me. Will that always be the case? Will I never again recognize the person staring back at me in the mirror, or is she someone new? Someone I'll be forced to coexist with for the rest of my life? I guess only time will tell...
And while I'm on the subject of time...
One of my favorite "oldies" song is "Time in a Bottle" by Jim Croce. I had actually forgotten all about it until I heard it on the radio today. Maybe that's why "time" is so heavy on my mind.
So this is for you Brittany Erin...my love for you is timeless...as will also be my pain...until we're together once again. <3
Time in a Bottle by Jim Croce
If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every day
Til eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you
If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
I'd save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you
But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go
Through time with
If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty
Except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you
But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go
Through time with...
If you'd like to hear the song, the youtube link is below...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyTfbtZeGeU
July 8, 2010 changed my life irrevocably. It was the day my precious daughter, Brittany Erin, turned 21. It was also the day that brought about her death on July 13, 2010, thus beginning my quest for a "new normal..."
Hello April, although you do not know me, after these past ten months, I feel as though we have met, of course, via your prayer site on FB for Brittany. I am very very sorry for you and your family, and Mark's family as well. The reason in my writing is that I was watching Shania Twain's show on OWN network the other night. On the show she had met with a psychiatrist named Dr. Gordon Livingston, who has a book out called "Only Spring". It is about the death of his 6-year-old son from leukemia and how he dealt with his son's death, and I might add he had an older son before this commit suicide. I just wanted to share this information with you about his book. I know this will not bring your beautiful daughter back home to you, but it may help and comfort you in some way.
ReplyDeleteTake Care,
Bev