Mother's Day

My mom, she tells a lot of lies

   she never did before

But from now until she dies,

   she'll tell a whole lot more

Ask my mom how she is

   and because she can't explain

She will tell a little lie

   because she can't describe the pain

Ask my mom how she is

   she'll say "I'm alright"

If that's the truth, then tell me

   why does she cry each night?

Ask my mom how she is

   "I'm fine. I'm well. I'm coping."

For God's sake mom, just tell the truth

   just say your heart is broken

She'll love me all of her life

   I loved her all of mine

But if you ask her how she is

   she'll lie and say she's fine

I am here in Heaven

   I cannot hug from here

If she lies to you, don't listen

   hug her and hold her near

On the day we meet again

   I'll smile and I'll be bold

I'll say, "You're lucky to get in here, Mom"

   with all the lies you told!

~Author unknown~

Mother's Day. What a paradoxically emotional day that was for me. While trying to celebrate the priceless gift of being the mother to my precious little boy, I was also painfully aware of the gaping hole, the incompleteness of my heart...the absence of my daughter. And like pouring salt in a wound, Mother's Day happened to fall on May 8...the ten month anniversary of Brittany's accident...the ten month anniversary of what lead to that gaping hole. How's that for cruel irony?

I had never given it much thought before, but I now find myself keenly aware of how other parents who have had a child die refer to that child. For example, someone I didn't know but had struck up a conversation with recently at my son's school asked me if I had any other children. I immediately said, "Yes." It wasn't something I had to analyze before answering. "Boy or girl?" she asked. "Girl," I said. "How old is she?" the woman casually inquired. "She's 21 and recently died in a car accident." That's quite the conversation killer (no pun intended) and I could tell I had made the woman very uncomfortable. It clearly wasn't the direction she expected our little chat to go. But how was I supposed to respond? Is there a "correct" way of referring to a child that is no longer living on this earth? I certainly wasn't going to say, "Well, I HAD a daughter too, but she recently died." I will always HAVE a daughter. I will always be her mom. I will always HAVE two children. There is no "had" about it. Being Brittany's mom didn't cease the day she died. I may have been forced to stop doing other things when she passed away...pay her cell bill, buy her clothes, send her money (often)...wipe her tears...hold her tight...but I will never stop being her mom...and I am thankful for that privilege. I am eternally grateful for the blessing...for the gift...of being the mother of two extraordinary children...Brittany and Bryson...and being their mother will never cease. It is a lifetime bond that defies all time and space.