Butterfly

"Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you're there
A breath away not far
To where you are"

(Lyrics from "To Where You Are" by Josh Groban)

Those lyrics are engraved on Brittany's stone, along with two angels releasing butterflies on either side of her picture. It's beautiful...like my daughter. On July 13...the 13 month anniversary of her death...I spent the afternoon with Brittany talking to her as I trimmed around her arbor and polished her stone. I do everything the old fashioned way...manual hand shears. I realize there are less strenuous and more timely ways to accomplish what takes me hours, but I like the labor. I don't mind the sweat or blisters or even the dirt on my hands (that last one is huge for me, by the way). Maybe it's because I don't want to take any shortcuts. Maybe it's because I can be more meticulous and achieve the perfection she deserves. Or maybe it's because it allows me lots of extra time to sit and chat with her as I labor away.

Before I go any further with my story, let me preface it with a very important note: I do not believe in reincarnation in any way, shape or form, however it's not my place to judge those who do. It's a personal choice. I do, however, believe in God given signs. And that day, I was blessed enough to receive yet another one.

On this particular afternoon, as I toiled away in the blazing heat, a small butterfly landed on my flip flop (I had taken them off). At first, I paid no attention to it. But then I realized it had been sitting there for the longest time staring at me. No matter how much I worked around it, the butterfly just sat and sat. So...I started talking to it or maybe about it to Brittany. I'm not really sure what the chain of communication was. After awhile, it fluttered over to Brittany's stone and landed on her name...then on the number 13 (the day she died)...and finally on the words to the above lyrics. Which words did the butterfly rest upon? "Fly me up to where you are." Again it sat and sat, no matter how much I moved around. Finally, I stopped working and sat in silence, staring back at this beautiful little creature. It was then that I realized it was the perfect shape of the butterflies being released by the angels on Brittany's stone. (I can already hear the "whatevers" and "she's crazy" thoughts from many of you now). That's ok. I kind of thought I was, too. I called my husband and said, "You're never going to believe this!" So, I took a picture of it to prove I wasn't imagining it at all. Brett, like me, believes in signs from God and we both...without hesitation...believe this was another sign. Do I believe the butterfly was Brittany? Of course not. But I do believe she was there with me that afternoon...and that butterfly was God's way of reminding me that He and Brittany are always with me. 

I knelt down and cried over her picture, thanking God for the butterfly...and for my beautiful daughter. Because no matter what...she's never far. She's just a breath away.